I need a restraining order against my blogging partner

So I said, “Hey, Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand?” Well, actually, I said, “Hey, Joe, how’s about we start a blog together, something light and fun?” But I soon realized that I was talking to a guy who might shoot his ole lady down. Or at least his blogging partner, and that I very well might require a restraining order if I wanted to live to type another day.

So I broached the innocent suggestion that Joe Buonfiglio and I start writing together. I was familiar with Joe’s light-hearted, albeit slightly twisted posts on Facebook. And I thought he would be a fun person to team up with on a comedy blog. I had no idea how Joe would react. “Really? Are you serious?” was his first reaction. You picked me for the dodge-ball team? Well, yes, you’re a good writer, and just whacky enough to be interested in this kind of exercise. Actually, he was more than whacky enough.

As we planned the blog, selected the title (I suggested “Still Life With Zombies,” but Joe countered with “Potpourri of the Damned,” and that stuck), and discussed the details by email, Joe grew progressively more agitated. Or at least that was my interpretation based on his emails. I didn’t know based on his behavior, because I’m in California and Joe is in North Carolina. Now I’m grateful for that fact. Because Joe’s emails became more rambling, hyperventilating. Sweaty, even. Yes, an email can be sweaty.

“A blogging partnership is like a marriage,” he wrote. Actually, I am married to one of Joe’s high school classmates, and he’s married to a lovely and undoubtedly very tolerant woman. I could not imagine how this blogging partnership would be like a marriage. Perhaps Joe envisioned us discussing potential posts, our heads side by side on matching pillows?

I tried to ignore the bizarre comparison. And Joe seemed to realize what he had said was a bit outré. So he started tap-dancing like Bo Jangles, explaining, “No, it’s not like a marriage. I didn’t mean that. What was I thinking?” But by that point, it was too late. The blog was launched. The title was selected. And I was the blogging partner of a guy wearing a white tank top and drinking a 40-ounce can of malt liquor. He’s looking for work and swears this time he’s going to find something. He can change. He knows he can change. I’m just glad North America is wide. Very wide.

2 thoughts on “I need a restraining order against my blogging partner

  1. avatar Joe Buonfiglio says:

    Wait. Hold on a minute, Holly. Are you saying that you don’t already have a restraining order against me? …. …. … Nice. Very, very nice.

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