ODE TO A MICROSOFT UPGRADE

or
Maybe It’s Time to Take a Bite Out of an Apple

PC bad fix

by Joe Buonfiglio

I walked into my office the other day to find my PC upgrading to the latest Microsoft Operating System … on its own … without my permission. As you can imagine, this was somewhat disconcerting in an Orwellian kind of way. Oh, I’m sure at some point along the timeline of my life, “IT” asked for consent to do so and I mindlessly acquiesced by checking a box so the annoying popup would go away or X-ed out of the aforementioned popup irritation thereby inertly granting my approval to schedule the download and, thus, the successive elevation of my computer to a new level of servitude to the god Microsoft. But be it via my own apathy providing passive permission to schedule the download or a 1984-esque collapse of societal freedoms, the download occurred and the hostile takeover of my OS was antagonistically imposed upon my poor little PC. However, here’s the rub…

I SURE AS HELL DON’T REMEMBER GIVING MICROSOFT PERMISSION TO DO THE UPGRADE!

The automation monster should have asked again before just taking over my computer — LITERALLY!

Nevertheless, the deed is done. No sense crying over spilled code now.

Or is there?

So with this in mind, let me leave you with this dirty little ditty: my Ode to a Microsoft Upgrade

I didn’t want to do it, you see.
     My old OS was fine with me.
It’s so much better you said.
     Now my PC is sitting there dead.

I was happy with my friend XP.
     Windows 7 worked just great for me.
I guess Apple kept you on the run.
     To my head you held your upgrade gun.      

A grand idea when it first started;
     Long before your spirit departed.
Messin’ ’round in some dark garage.
     Now that’s all but a dream, a mirage.

 

REFRAIN:
Your code was king. Your code was king.
     The hardware meant nothing to you.
Let IBM keep the damn circuits.
     It’d be the demise of Big Blue.

You made money being the best.
     Showed us new products and beat on your chest.
Now you force upgrades on us against our will.
     Don’t service old systems; that’s your poison pill.

 

For Apple’s new products they’ll wait in line.
     For Microsoft? Well, we’d rather decline.
We like your old OS, so service it please.
     Don’t feed us your bullshit; say drop to your knees.

 Every upgrade grinds it all to a halt.
     My old antivirus is under assault.
Why do we hate you? Well just let me vent…

You’re ARROGANT!
 
CONFUSING!
 
NOT SECURE!
 
LOADED WITH PRE-INSTALLED CRAPWARE!
 
OF INCONSISTENT QUALITY!
 
A RESOURCE HOG!

SLOW TO INNOVATE!
 
     AAAAAAAAAND with each passing day less and less relevant.
 
 

REFRAIN:
Your code was king. Your code was king.
     The hardware meant nothing to you.
Let IBM keep the damn circuits.
     It’d be the demise of Big Blue.

You made money being the best.
     Showed us new products and beat on your chest.
Now you force upgrades on us against our will.
     Don’t service old systems; that’s your poison pill.

Did you learn nothing from your old friend Big Blue?
    Don’t listen to your customers; it’ll be the end of you.

Drop the mike. Walk away.

(I might as well. The audio system doesn’t work since the latest Microsoft OS upgrade anyway.)

 

© 2016 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

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