Theater Stage Door

by Joe Buonfiglio

Americans twirl naked in the moonlight with a narcissistic madness as our dance partner; exhibitionists on the stage in a colossal Theatre of the Absurd.

Think that’s bullshit? Consider this…

We Americans live in a country where there is rampant, out-of-control gun violence and our solution to this widespread mayhem is that we need more guns.

Ponder that for a moment.

PROBLEM: Too much gun violence. SOLUTION: Pump more guns into the system.

We live in a country where fast-food products acquired via drive-thru lanes, stuff you’d struggle to barely call sustenance packaged in boxes and plastic-enveloped sugar-water targeted at children and the poor are equated with freedom and our rights, not identified as health hazards crashing our medical infrastructure with illness on a massive scale.

Americans live in a nation where giving even more to the wealthiest of us constitutes some sort of drip-drip-drip downward pathway of improving the wretched financial state of the poor and the evaporating middle class, while “entitling” said underprivileged with financial assistance of any kind is viewed as literally ruining the country.

PROBLEM: Too many of us can’t make ends meet. SOLUTION: Give even more to the richest of us.

We view clean, renewable energy as the enemy, and the dirty energy options as our friends.

Tell me again how Global Climate Change is a pile of horseshit, because your 1% of scientists bought and paid for by the petroleum industry says so and the other 99% of scientists are wrong. Tell me again how many earthquakes Oklahoma had per year before fracking and how many they have now. Explain to me why it’s illegal to disclose fracking chemicals that could track poisoned water back to fracking sites in North Carolina. Whose best interest does this serve?

Our children … or T. Boone Pickens and his ilk?

We see teachers and education as the bad guys creating evil herds of “elitist” pricks who don’t solve problems, but generate an intelligent mindset that is actually the source of our difficulties; and racist, misogynistic education-hating morons as “real” Americans that will cure all the serious dangers we face.

Think the attack on education is just politics; not a bigger conspiracy?

Ask yourself, “Who benefits from a stupid electorate?”

We live in a country where we express “God’s love” by denying rights we consider virtually “God-given” to others simply because they’re different from us, but scream bloody murder if others try to limit the intrusion of religion into the rights of the secular public.

Along those lines, we demand that the “separation of church and state” keep the people’s governmental fingers out of religion’s pie, but consider it a right that churches can place undue pressure on elected officials to shove church dogma and religious doctrine into legislation surrounding such things as what a woman can do with her body or where a transgender person gets to go to the bathroom.

It’s as if we’re okay casting the first stone, but don’t understand that the hurling of rocks, once started, is a two-way street.

We don’t have tunnel vision; we’re fucking myopic! We can’t see down the tunnel past the tollbooth.

It’s all a kind of perverted logic that makes as much sense as me purporting to like slapstick comedy, but thinking you don’t deserve to walk the Earth if you like rom-coms.

Okay, that’s a bad example. You actually don’t deserve the air in your lungs if you prefer romantic comedies to lowbrow humor, but you get the idea.


Now, putting aside the fact that all this would appear to render us a nation of dumbasses that the forces of evolution should have eliminated years ago; it left me considering the possibility that I could somehow personally benefit from being part of a society with this absurdly twisted form of rationale at its core.

For example, could I get away with punching a vegan in the face for not supporting the cattle industry by eating a hamburger at my Fourth of July picnic?

Could I cut the man-bun off a hipster in a show of solidarity for we follicly challenged Americans and not wind up spending the night in the county lockup?

Could I eat a triple-stuffed burrito and fart on all the members of Congress while blaming illegal Mexican immigration?

Could I—  Could I—

Sorry. The lights are flashing here in America’s lobby. The curtain is going up. Sure the show is getting negative reviews worldwide, but my ticket stub is good for one free drink at the local bar … … … or half-price admission to next week’s knife-and-gun show at the state fairgrounds.

Kids under 12 are free.


© 2016 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

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