BREAKING NEWS: DONALD TRUMP DEAD!

(Crushed by the Weight of His Own Ego)

The “Basket of Deplorables” Mourn The Loss of Their Political Savior.

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by Joe Buonfiglio

In a stunning turn of events, 2016 presidential candidate Donald J. Trump’s ego grew so uncomfortable by the confines of Mr. Trump’s corporeal being that it squiggled out one of the last healthy follicles on Trump’s head in a desperate attempt to escape and create its own lifeform. Unfortunately, its self-induced narcissistic rage caused it to immediately have the equivalent of a cosmic cardiac-arrest and it fell back down upon its former host; crushing him instantly.

As KKK icon David Duke openly wept, the nation’s “Basket of Deplorables” honored their political savior by tracking down as many protesting Progressives as possible and punching them all in the face. Funeral services will be held in Moscow hosted by Vladimir Putin who immediately imprisoned most of his governmental hackers for not predicting Trump’s death in time to blame it on the DNC.

The RNC gave tribute to its fallen knight in sullied armor by introducing a bill in Congress allowing Russia to “annex” Texas as it did Crimea. Surprisingly, US citizens across the nation seem okay with this, especially Texans who immediately executed everyone on death row in celebration.

While it will not become a reality now, Trump supporters say, “The wall will forever be built in our hearts.”

In related news, Jesus is quoted as saying, “Look, I love you kids, but you’re on your own this time.”

NEXT WEEK: Hillary Clinton force-feeds her home server tons of Ex-Lax in attempt to induce the biggest data-dump of all time. Guinness World Records is on hand to observe with rolls of cyber-TP.

The ghost of Donald Trump is said to retort, “My dump is ‘huger!'” and is immediately reincarnated as a failed Austrian painter.

 

© 2016 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

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