by Joe Buonfiglio
STEP RIGHT UP, ONE AND ALL. WELCOME TO UNCLE JOE’S CARNIVAL MIDWAY FREAK SHOW! Be astounded by all our delightfully horrific oddities and aberrations of God’s plan as they place before you the absurd and the bizarre for your amazement, your amusement and your bemusement by things most unnatural.
Behold and witness the wonder of the man who can make you cry (and bend forks) with the power of his ass.
See the toddler who can turn a potato into French fries with nothing more than his tantrums.
Witness the 500-pound woman who can shop a 24-hour Walmart donning nothing more than her inadequately sized undergarments soiled to the point of modern art.
Marvel at the orange man; able to dominate an entire country with nothing more than the sheer bellicosity of his narcissism.
Cringe at the soft-serve ice cream cone that can recite the entire Bible before melting into a puddle of its own sugary self-righteousness.
Be amazed by the pile of dog poo with its doctorate in advanced nanotechnology as it redefines the Theory of Relativity’s parameters all within the confines of city and county littering ordinances.
Explore the magnificence of the incredible shrinking newspaper industry.
Shiver to be in the presence of the snow cone of doom as it lays to waste the hope and promise of modern dentistry.
Quake at the sight of the House of Wax Condoms.
Laugh as the senior senators from each state fling their own feces at each other whilst riding seatless tricycles wearing nothing but diapers and “Make America Great Again” ball caps.
… and, of course, there is the obligatory dancing bear.
IT’S ALL FOR YOU HERE AT UNCLE JOE’S SIDESHOW OF THE (absurdly) DAMNED! All for the low cost of one Bitcoin bathed in the broken dreams of the forgotten man…
… and a day-old Dunkin’ jelly-filled.
© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio All Rights Reserved.