Blame The Ministry of Silly Walks

by Joe Buonfiglio

“Wait. Hold on,” you blurt out in confused recognition. “This isn’t a blog post. This is blow-it-off phone-it-in BULLSHIT!”

“Why yes, it is,” I slyly respond, “but don’t blame me. Blame The Ministry of Silly Walks.”

Sort of.

Okay, admittedly, this week’s edition of Potpourri of the Damned isn’t the usual slipstream-genre dive into absurdist humor I try to make happen every week American politics doesn’t see me pound at my PC keyboard in a rageful rant until my family can break down my locked office door and slip the straightjacket back on for the night. However, there is a good reason — to my mind, the BEST reason in the world — for that:

I’m going to see John Cleese live tonight!

To understand what it means for me to FINALLY get to see one of my heroes “live and in person” is to understand me (and how I got this way).

See, years and years ago when I was but a young, impressionable schoolboy, a dear friend took me to a secluded room within his family home. Did we experiment with drugs? Did we delve into forbidden sexuality? Did we read dangerous poetry together?

NO! In this dimly lit childhood sanctuary, my good friend Paul introduced me to the absolute absurd-humor wonder that is Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

You have to understand; for better or worse, the absurdist-humor writing to which I have been unwaveringly devoted my whole life may have been nurtured by reading authors such as Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut, but it was launched by my wide-eyed fascination with the Pythons. That now-classic British TV show, for which John Cleese was a founding member, wasn’t just a source of entertainment for me. It manifested into a philosophy; became a prism through which I view life. It became the foundation on which I built my vocation.

It was fucking funny.

So yes, I am openly and most certainly slightly, somewhat, kind of blowing you all off to rush out and listen to one of my all-time idols speak. As he (and I) are both getting on in years, who knows if the Fates will afford me an opportunity such as this ever again, so I hope you understand and give me a literary pass this week. If not, I refer you to The Ministry of Silly Walks to register your complaint.

And if you don’t know what I mean by that, not only should you Google it or catch a video on YouTube (below), but I’m not really sure why you follow this blog in the first place.

© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

(Copyright for video and associate Python visuals are held by the BBC and the show’s creators.)

I’M NOT A RABBIT!

AND HEY, I’VE GOT SHIT TO DO.

by Joe Buonfiglio

To quote the late, great Madeline Kahn as the Teutonic spy and dance hall singer Lili von Shtupp in Mel Brooks’ groundbreaking comedy Blazing Saddles, “I’m not a rabbit.  I need some rest.”

Writer’s block?  Hell, I’ve got the entire writer’s Lower East Side!  Not only do I need a break to recharge the batteries, heal up and (if I’m honest) dry out, I’ve got to play catch-up on a number of literary projects on which I’ve fallen WAY behind.  So whether you believe it or not, I’ve got shit to do!

With this in mind, I’m going to take a short 2-3 week hiatus from this little blog d’ absurdité.  While I’m gone, why not hit the JoeBuonfiglio.com HOME and scroll down to enjoy some of the Potpourri of the Damned blog-post gems and junk from weeks gone by that you may have missed.

I’ll be back soon with more high weirdness before you know it.  Ciao.

 

© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

Blazing Saddles is © 1974 Warner Bros. with All Rights Reserved.

GIVE ME A BREAK!

by Joe Buonfiglio

I need a little respite, some R&R, a cooling-off period, a breather, a timeout, a life pause, a furlough, vakay,  downtime, a hiatus…

I NEED A FREAKIN’ BREAK, OKAY!

Even a professional absurdist can get overly absurded– uh, absurdied out?  Absurditated?  Absurdtaneously Abs–  Look, I’m toast to an absurd degree.  But never fear, I shall return next week with something weird and wonderful.  Until then, let me impregnate your already fragile mind with this little tidbit:

America has become as if a funnel cake at the bottom of an abyss.  You know there’s something good deep down there in the darkness, but at this point, it seems completely unreachable.

See you next week.

© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

 

DON’T BLOW YOUR HAND OFF!

… UNTIL I GET BACK!

I’m taking a little break from my insanely inane scribblings to celebrate Old Glory, watch some fireworks and baseball, as well as indulge in more than my fair share of hot dogs and cold ones.  So be safe while I’m on hiatus and, for God’s sake, don’t blow your hand off!  You won’t be able to bitch-slap me when next we meet.  Not to mention… well… you know.

I’LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU KNOW IT
WITH MORE
DELIGHTFUL ABSURDITY!

PS – Why not catch up on all the lovely POTPOURRI OF THE DAMNED archived posts you missed: 

http://www.joebuonfiglio.com/2017/06/

http://www.joebuonfiglio.com/2017/05/

http://www.joebuonfiglio.com/2017/04/

And there’s plenty more.  Just scroll down or find the “ARCHIVE” widget on this site.  See you soon….

WITH LOVE AND UTTER DISDAIN FOR THE TOILET-CLEANSING INDUSTRY,
Joe Buonfiglio

 

 

 

THERE IS ONLY SO LONG I CAN GO…

You may have noticed that Potpourri of the Damned did not publish on Wednesday (6/14/17).  That’s because things are heating up with the potential sale of my book, so I need to concentrate on that for a while.  However, look for it to publish in all its resplendent absurdity next week, because, in all honesty, there is only so long I can go without being weird.

While I’m on this little barely a hiatus, why not check out some of the fun stuff on my YouTube page: LINK TO JOE’S YOUTUBE PAGE — CLICK HERE.

Until next time, thank you.

— Joe Buonfiglio

THIS IS A TEST!

This is Only a Test

by Joe Buonfiglio

This is a test of the EMERGENCY BLOGCAST SYSTEM. This is only a test. Had this been an actual literary-absurdist emergency, you would have been directed to your nearest alternative-reality fallout shelter for cosmetic surgery to enable advanced melatonin levels in your genitalia.

Reality? Reality adjacent?

Not even close.

Look at this as sort of an experiment in the philosophical realm driven by the author’s punishing insecurity. Given this…

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Likewise, as a variation on a theme for this philosophic conundrum…

If a blog is written and no one is around to read it, was it ever posted?

Sure, Friedrich Nietzsche declared, “God is dead,” as did the cover of Time magazine query about the matter in 1966. But as philosophy and theology bang heads over the state of God’s health, the same dispute must be applied to the epicenter of the digital literati:

Is the blog… DEAD?

And if not the collective “blog” and those toiling away in the blogosphere, then what about that which you now read… or don’t (as the fallen tree might observe)? Has this blog, my child so aptly named Potpourri of the Damned, simply run its course? Have I gotten too weird for some of you, perhaps too political for others?

Am I only doing this for myself at this point? That possibility is a rather chilling prospect, I must admit.

I have a decent number of subscribers, but there are rarely any comments submitted by them. Is that natural? After all, I’m not a celebrity and you’re all busy people. I do sometimes wonder if you all follow me and this strange little blogtastic machine out of not sincere interest, but some warped sense of politeness? Although, in the modern age of social media, even the casual observer can see that doesn’t make much sense. Hell, do you even read the thing?

Is there anybody out there?

Perhaps that is an answer I’d rather not know, eh?

So, until next week’s post, PLEASE STAND BY….

 

© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

 

Potpourri of the Damned STILL on Hiatus?

THAT’S ABSURD!

by Joe Buonfiglio

Why are you looking here?  Don’t you realize Potpourri of the Damned is STILL on hiatus while I heal up? (Believe me, you don’t want to know.)

Okay, granted, it’s only for another week, so it’s not THAT big of a deal.

What do you mean, “not that big of a deal”?  YOU BASTARD!

Anyway, as Dr. Frank N. Furter would say, “Babies, don’t you panic.”  While I and my “creation” are on this short break, why not enjoy seeing me LIVE and in person!  Here’s how:

If you’re in the Chapel Hill, NC area on Friday, 5/12, I’ll be a guest storyteller onstage at 10 p.m. with the improv geniuses of MISTER DIPLOMAT at DSI (Dirty South Comedy Theater).

Read more about it here:

http://www.dsicomedy.com/calendar/2017/5/12/mister-diplomat

So that’s Chapel Hill, NC, Friday, 5/12, 10pm at @DSIcomedy

 SEE YOU THERE!

JOE’S BAR (blog)

by Joe Buonfiglio

My Potpourri of the Damned blog started off as a simple idea. It was to be a weird forum for releasing upon an unsuspecting world the Absurdist tidbits of darkly humorous mayhem theretofore buried in the deeper recesses of my warped little brain; somewhere between a lark and a malady.

AND THEN ALONG COMES DONALD TRUMP.

This con-man simpleton overtakes my soul generating a combination of bemusement, fear and intense anger driven to the point of seditious hatred. Watching this orange-tinged putz and his idiot-convention entourage systematically clog America’s collective toilet by shoving all that’s good about this country down it with the plunger of his narcissistic Trumpian ego sends my fingers tap-tap-tapping furiously upon my computer’s keyboard to the point of rendering the action on the typewriter-esque buttons nearly unresponsive.

TRANSLATION: Our dumbass POTUS makes me more than a little crazy.

Next thing I know, I’ve endangered the absurdist-humor brand of my Potpourri of the Damned blog with numerous anti-45 rants.

In my last blog-post, I teased that this — my JoeBuonfiglio.com (AKA LiteraryAbsurdist.com) site — would be evolving into “Something absurdly wonderful. Something wonderfully absurd,” and Potpourri of the Damned will MOST DEFINITELY be a part of that. However, if my head is not to blow clean off my shoulders in a blood-pressure rush that could launch a ballistic missile armed with the most nuclear of warheads, I will still need to find a home, some suitable outlet, for all my anti-Trump, anti-societal-injustice, anti-anything-that-really-pisses-me-off-to-the-point-of-vigilantism rants. And so, welcome to…

When introduced into the new website coming within the next month or two, Joe’s Bar Blog will be the new home for me to … well … get things off my chest.

Joe’s Bar Blog will be written while I’m sitting at my bar (Yes, at the time of this writing, I own a bar.), and will feature whatever beverage I am imbibing at the time of the given literary endeavor.  For example, at this moment, I am sipping upon the cool libation that is a 12-year-old special reserve Jameson Irish whiskey on the rocks. Additionally, while Potpourri of the Damned comes out (for the most part) every Wednesday, Joe’s Bar Blog is written “as the spirit … and spirits … move me.” This creative process will most likely lead to such commentary as:

Hey, Alt-Right. Looks like your boy Trump is kicking you and Bannon to the back of the bus.

How’s it feel?

Ironic?

And…

You can’t even organize an Easter egg event? How the hell are you going to organize foreign policy … or a war?

And…

What are Trump’s plans for America? Follow the money. Slash the State Department’s budget; raise the military’s by billions.

Any questions?

As well as…

Listening to Donald Trump speak, I now realize that George W. Bush was relatively an outright intellectual.

And…

It’s 12:24 a.m.

… and Trump just dropped in to see what condition my sedition was in.

Not to mention…

The Right is devolving into Theatre of the Absurd. They believe in the Rapture, so get on with it; God can have them all ASAP.

Or…

Donald Trump criticizing Chuck Todd’s appearance is like the Alien calling the Predator ugly.

And…

“Remnants of treasonous criminality” refers to:
A) Trump
B) His administration
C) Me on the toilet the morning after 20-alarm chili night

Or perhaps even…

AGENT: “You’re ruining your writer’s brand with all this Trump shit!”

PEER: “Wait. You have an agent?”

WIFE: “Wait. You’re a writer?”

So keep your eye out for Joe’s Bar Blog in the new JoeBuonfiglio.com that is on its way to this space. As Potpourri of the Damned again reverts back to content designed to engulf your grey cells in that which is madly absurd, Joe’s Bar Blog will delve into that which will make you absurdly mad.

What’s your pleasure?

 

© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.

All photos, art and logos are © 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio with All Rights Reserved.

SOMETHING (DELIGHTFULLY STRANGE) THIS WAY COMES….

SOMETHING ABSURDLY WONDERFUL.

SOMETHING WONDERFULLY ABSURD.

 

In the coming months, JoeBuonfiglio.com (AKA LiteraryAbsurdist.com) will undergo an absurdly wonderful and wonderfully absurd transformation.  Keep checking back to get in on all the preposterous amusement … and probably more than a little bemusement.

PLEASE STAND BY….

— Joe Buonfiglio

In Support of the MARCH FOR SCIENCE

by Joe Buonfiglio

I’m going to be taking a couple weeks off from my absurdist blog, Potpourri of the Damned, to work on my post-Apocalyptic absurdist book (in which I am woefully behind at the moment). However, as I go on my blog-posting hiatus in order to dive into this literary endeavor, I’d like to leave you with this thought:

After reading an Associated Press report that the Arctic sea ice has hit a record low for winter (http://www.apnewsarchive.com/2017/Even-during-winter-Arctic-sets-a-record-for-low-sea-ice-level/id-4b7f43b7a1624db8b13738c8b3d5383b), I want to continue enthusiastically rallying support for the April 22 Earth DayMarch for Science 2017.” In a nutshell, Global Climate Change science deniers such as Donald Trump and his ilk must be stopped before they send humanity beyond the point of no return.

Here are some links where you can learn more:

https://www.marchforscience.com/ to find a march in your local area and sign up for updates.

Go to Twitter, Facebook, and Google+ with the hashtag #marchforscience.

Follow great advocates of science such as astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson on Twitter at @neiltyson and Bill Nye “the science guy” on Twitter at @BillNye.

As for me, I’ll be looking for a march in my local area, as well as getting the word out via various creative projects. For example, I’m a lyricist for a wonderful UK band called Unintentional Martyrs™ featuring musician, composer and performer, Paul Austin Kelly. Here’s the group’s song Science Denier now posted on my YouTube channel:

So join the pro-science movement; let Trump and all the science deniers out there know that science is NOT just some political pawn the denial of which to be used to pander to an ignorant base. This is critically important work on which the survival of the human race itself is dependent.

© 2017 Joseph P. Buonfiglio     All Rights Reserved.
All music and music videos © 2016-2017 Unintentional Martyrs™ with All Rights Reserved.